Confusing situations when a man is torn into two families

Modern life is very rich in various twists of fate. Spouses who love each other today may turn out to be sworn enemies tomorrow. And it very often happens that, at first glance, a strong marriage ends in a loud divorce process.

Today no one is surprised by the quirks of both men and women. But most often there are men who are torn into two families . And such an ambiguous situation occurs very often in the modern world. According to all laws in our country, polygamy is prohibited, it turns out that the status of one wife is considered legal, and the second woman will be a common-law wife. And often there are heirs in both families, and the wife knows that the man has a second family.

People always paint a picture of a kind, gentle wife and a bitch lover. But sometimes it happens that a decent man finds himself in such a situation. He sincerely tries to understand the situation, but it absorbs him completely. A man loves children, whom he does not intend to abandon, sympathizes with women, is afraid of losing both, is wary of shame and sidelong glances, does not know how to solve a huge problem. And a man’s life begins on two fronts.

This difficult situation brings a lot of suffering to families, because the man is trying to reconcile both families, and each woman wants to drag her loved one into her family. And it often happens that such complicated situations drag on for many years, and a man is torn into two families.

Reasons when problems arise due to family.

There are quite a few reasons when such families arise. The most common reason why such double families appear is the financial well-being of the man. Very rich men want to diversify their family life and take on a young mistress. The girl does not intend to lose her patron, and gives birth to his children, while receiving the unspoken status of the wife of second place. If a man is able to provide for both families himself, then women put up with the presence of a rival for fear of losing financial stability.

The second reason for the creation of such marriages is women's fear of loneliness. According to statistics, much fewer men are born than women, so a woman’s fear is quite justified. So she endures her rival, each living her own life, and sharing a man for years.

But there are also cases when a man really adores and idolizes both women and does not intend to part with each. They, in turn, are attached to one man. And it turns out to be quite a complex love triangle.

Often people live like this until the end of their days, but there are families who are desperately trying to find a way out of the current difficult situation. The main stage of solving a problem is understanding the truth - how such a situation can end. Once progress is outlined, the decision is made much easier. And strange marriages cannot be understood as something good and acceptable, because everyone, including children, feels incredible suffering.

Particularly destructive is endless jealousy. No matter what a woman says, in her subconscious she wants to return the man only to herself. And if she wants to achieve her goal, then there will be no rules for her.

There are very frequent cases when both wives during the Cold War cease to think about their actions. Quarrels cross all permitted boundaries. There have been cases of women disfiguring their faces with sulfuric acid.

Children suffer no less from such family stories. After all, most often a man lives with his legal wife, and pays less attention to his mistress. Children from the “second wife” may suffer from a lack of attention from their father, even though they are provided with everything financially.

My husband lives in two families

Good afternoon My husband and I have been married for 12 years. I am 34, he is 31. We have three children. My son is 11 years old, my daughter is 9 years old and my little one is 5 months old. 6 years ago we started building a house, it was difficult, we rented an apartment, then renovated, etc. The husband began to often go to friends, drink beer, relax, and stay there overnight. The friends are both unmarried. One day, in 2008, I discovered that he had another woman and more than one. Stupidly, I called them from his phone and told them he was married. He asked for forgiveness and assured that this would not happen again. After this, our relationships developed differently, and my fault was also not small, I did not give him enough warmth and attention (home, work, children, garden). He also went on vacation with friends once a week and assured me that there was no need to worry. And I believed that he would never leave his family. In 2010 I found a love card from him from a woman. He admitted that they had been dating for two years and she was one of those. who I once called, but that didn’t stop her, and it was convenient for him not to hide his married status. She is 5 years older than him, experienced and economical. I asked if he loved her, he replied that it was more likely yes than no. I asked him to leave and leave us. He left. He came 2-3 times a week, but I made it clear that we didn’t need him. A month later he came with flowers to ask for forgiveness. I forgave. A year later, in 2011, I found out that his relationship with her continued, and his daughter, who was already two years old, was growing up there. That is, at the time he left, there was already a child there. I asked how it happened, he replied that according to her, she could not have children, and it was a miracle. I asked why he didn’t immediately stay with her, he replied that we were his family, and he wanted to live with us. I was not happy with his double life, I cried a lot and asked him to make up his mind. He asked to give him a month to live there, and supposedly put an end to that relationship. I can’t imagine life without him, and neither can I imagine my children (at that time we had two). I sent him there, promising that I would wait. We told the children that dad went on a business trip and he didn’t see them, I had to see him because... we work together. He returned two months later. During this time, I reconsidered my disadvantages, I changed both externally and internally. He really appreciated this, but a week later he admitted to me that he missed both his daughter and her, but still confidently decided to stay with us. After 3-4 months, he wanted me to give birth to his third child. I had a miscarriage. Sometimes he told me that I needed to go there and help with something, because she had no one except her sick mother. I tried to believe him, because prohibiting him would only make things worse. Our relationship with him was wonderful, I would even say that we have never had such a wonderful relationship in our entire life together. We began to understand and appreciate each other more. A year after his return to us, I came across a copy of his second birth certificate in his documents!!! daughters from this woman. I compared the dates and it turned out that he left her for us, leaving her in the 4th month of pregnancy. How painful it was for me cannot be expressed in words, he cried, explained that she assured him that she was taking birth control pills and told him about it when it was too late to have an abortion. And yet he returned to us because he couldn’t live with her. The only thing that stopped me from kicking him out was that after he returned to us, we both changed, and I really believed him and felt his love. He wanted to hide the birth of his second daughter from me, fearing that I would not live with him. I forgave him again. Now, 1.5 years later, we have a wonderful family, we have another daughter. His eyes next to us glow with happiness. He goes there about 2-3 times a month, I try not to ask about anything. For what? After all, love is judged by actions. Over the past two months, he was there very often and stayed overnight with the children, because... she looked after her mother in her apartment. She has a sick mother, diagnosed with cancer. There was no one to leave the children with and he went to hang out with them. A week ago her mother died, he went to help with the funeral and was gone for 4 days. He arrived not himself. He said that he felt sorry for her, that she was also not the last person in his life, and now she had no one but him. She has a heart condition and it’s very difficult for her. She begged him to give her a chance and not leave her alone. She naturally hates me, she believes that I am holding him back by force. But this is not so, and he and I understand it. She inspires him that he will only be happy with her. He asked to give him the opportunity to try to live with her again, so as not to reproach himself later for not making the last attempt. And he also regretted that at one time he did not put an end to his relationship with her. He said that if the ground was cracking now and he needed to jump to them or to us, he would jump to us. I said that I was not keeping him, and he asked to give him a chance to come back, and that he was 70% sure that he would come to us. I replied that when this moment comes, we will talk. Apparently he himself had finally realized that he was tired of such a “double” life. I don’t know what to do now, I understand that since she asked him to give her a chance, it means that he gave a reason for this, and that means that not everything with him was perfect, as it seemed to me. I understand that he also loves those children, and she, the woman who gave birth to them, is also not a stranger to him. He says that he feels good there, but no more than two days, his soul becomes empty, and she cannot fill this emptiness. But I don’t know what to do now. Should I endure and wait? Or do you still understand that life with such a person will not work out?

Registration of land for placing an individual house

This method is the simplest in terms of obtaining land and registering ownership of it. The plot can be purchased or obtained at municipal auctions for rent for work (after registration of the erected house, the plot can be purchased in accordance with Article 36 of the Land Code of the Russian Federation).

When making this choice, it is necessary to take into account a number of points:

1. When purchasing land, the purchasers must indicate 2 persons. As a result of the transaction, they will own shares in the common ownership of the site.
2. In the case of the use of land owned by the municipality, the agreement must provide for a plurality of persons on the part of the tenant.
3. The main type of permitted use of the site should be the placement of individual residential properties (Article 37 of the Town Planning Code of the Russian Federation). Before purchasing or concluding a lease agreement, it is necessary to study the decision of local authorities on the zoning of the territories of a settlement to determine the possibility of placing a house on them.

When the duplex is built, it will also be in common shared ownership of the neighbors.

This will have a number of consequences:

• Housing and land cannot be transferred as a result of the transaction without obtaining the consent of the neighbor.
• In the event of a sale, the liquidity of a share in ownership will be significantly lower than that of a separate premises.
• The utility bill will be shared.

The simplicity of the initial registration will be offset by certain legal and market difficulties in the further use and disposal of part of the duplex and plot.

Acts to be followed when building a second house on the site

Any constructed building must meet certain requirements, which are contained in Article 38 of the Town Planning Code of Russia:

• permissible height of the building, its number of storeys;
• percentage of development, that is, the dimensions of the building (along the external walls relative to the site). For example, if you purchased 6 acres of land and built a building 5 x 6 m. Thus, the total area of ​​the house is 30 m2 (0.3 acres). This means that the building is 5% of the size of the plot;
• minimum setback (shortest distance from a residential building to the border of the land plot).

To find the answer to the question of whether it is possible to build a second residential building on the site, you should study the requirements for such a building. They are contained in paragraph 39 of Article 38 of the Town Planning Code of the Russian Federation: the building must have no more than three above-ground floors, its height should not exceed 20 m. The house may include rooms, as well as auxiliary premises to meet the household needs of residents.

Design of a site for a house with separate apartments

The procedure for registering a plot for the construction of a house with 2 apartments will be more complicated. A number of issues will be associated with the type of use permitted. Externally, a duplex is no different from an individual house, but legally it will be multi-apartment. For future owners, cottage communities are attractive areas for construction. The main type of permitted use of these sites involves the placement of individual housing construction.

The construction of an apartment building will require the following actions:

1. It is necessary that among the conditionally permitted uses be the placement of objects with several separate residential premises. If the decision of local authorities on zoning of territories
2. It is required to submit an application to the municipality for permission to use the site in this way.
3. It is necessary to obtain the approval of neighbors living in this territory during public hearings (Article 39 of the Town Planning Code of the Russian Federation). In this case, the costs of holding this event are borne by the owners or tenants of the site.
4. Based on the results of the hearings and work of the commission, the mayor or other head of the municipal government makes a decision on approval of the appropriate use of the land or refusal.

It is necessary to purchase or rent land only after the above steps. Otherwise, there is a risk of investing in an unsuitable site.

After the construction and commissioning of the facility, the land acquires the status of common property of the owners of premises in an apartment building (Part 1 of Article 36 of the Housing Code of the Russian Federation). As a result of this design, part of the house can be sold without receiving the encouragement of a neighbor. Rights to the land plot will be transferred to the new owner automatically.

The woman is afraid that the man will be happy without her. Opinion on how bigamists appear in the country

A woman is abandoned by her husband... Let's not lament why and for what, let's not look for the guilty and extreme, let's not fantasize about what would have happened if...

De facto, there are two typical scenarios:

1) Hasta la vista, baby. They divided the property, sorted out child custody, and everyone went their own way. Maybe they maintained friendly relations. Maybe even a little nostalgia. Or maybe they parted ways like ships at sea.

2) I'll be back. The prodigal husband returns to his old family, and everyone is still waiting for him. In a month, in a year or even in a few years. Where and to whom he went, why and what he was looking for does not matter. It is important that there is a desire and opportunity to give the relationship a second chance.

What if your husband, like Schrödinger’s cat, doesn’t seem to have left completely, but is no longer with you?

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In one family, the following situation arose: after the husband was caught in treason, a decision was made to live separately, that is, he still left. Naturally, to the living space of a mistress who, as an unmarried, childless woman, welcomed this option in the hope that it would bring the moment closer when she, too, would receive her well-deserved piece of female happiness.

But then the following became clear: no one wants to get a divorce.

The wife, let's call her Ira, does not want to get a divorce, because she suddenly realized how much she loves her husband, so she is ready to forgive and forget everything, just to return to the old times. The former ones - in the sense without mistresses and betrayals.

But the husband didn’t understand anything, it’s just that divorce was never part of his plans, so when the passions subsided, he began to behave like an exemplary family man: helping with the housework every day, going shopping together on weekends, in general, a real idyll.

But with one small caveat: the husband does not spend the night at home.

I hope you see the contradiction: Ira has an official family-oriented husband without quarrels and scandals, but she does not feel happy because he lives in the house of another woman, who, by the way, also has almost everything: her beloved man has dinner and spends the night she has, but I don’t think she experiences full happiness.

The women simply swapped places, and as you know, changing the places of the terms does not change the sum.

The only one who is happy and content in this situation is the husband. He received an accommodating wife, who was afraid of the divorce and stopped arguing about his infidelities, and his mistress received the illusion of the development of the relationship and, most likely, became more supportive.

So we can’t count on our bigamist himself to break off relations with one of them. And both women are so afraid to look into a closed box that they prefer to live with a sense of faith in a living and dead cat at the same time.

Their premonition does not deceive them. What they see in the box will not please both of them: he does not love either of them.

Such a clear tendency towards unauthorized bigamy suggests that the object of their female competition is a selfish, calculating and selfish person, and he will, without regret, leave either of them or both of them as soon as something no longer suits him, and feelings will not matter here how.

Anything can happen in life. After all, this is how Mormon sister wives or Muslim wives live in a harem.

But the whole problem is that Ira does not live, but suffers. From jealousy, from resentment, from frustration, from anger, from despair and from inaction. Had she accepted a polygamous relationship or filed for divorce, there would have been nothing to discuss.

This situation made me think that sometimes the decision to separate can be difficult and unbearable , like the decision to amputate a leg due to gangrene.

For a woman, a relationship that does not suit her, but she is afraid to break it off, is full of melancholy.

In this case, a phenomenon akin to alcoholic codependency is observed, when the perception of the surrounding environment is completely distorted, so it is likely that the woman does not even see what psychological hell she lives in.

L.N. Tolstoy argued that “every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” I would like to make a clarification here: all unhappy women are equally unhappy, and their attempts to improve and fix everything are always similar, regardless of the problem .

And, of course, everyone equally thinks from time to time that it’s time to give up everything, but women hesitate, doubt, believe that they have to wait and be patient.

The harsh truth is that gangrene cannot be cured, and husbands do not change.

What to do first

You need to start by studying the issue of the legality of building another house on the site in principle. In current legislation, there are no direct restrictions on how many houses can be located on one piece of land at the same time. We are talking about garden plots, as well as those intended for:

• personal subsidiary plot (LPH);
• individual residential construction (IHC).

But for these buildings there are a number of restrictions, in particular, a maximum of 3 floors and a height of 20 meters. There are no maximum restrictions on the area of ​​garden and residential buildings, however, if it is less than 500 m2, then notification to local authorities will be sufficient; if more than 500 m2, the development and approval of design documentation, examination and obtaining permission to commission will be required.

It would be optimal to go “by contradiction”, that is, make sure in advance that there are no prohibitions. Before starting construction, it is recommended to study the land use and construction rules (LRU) that apply in the territory of the municipality where the land plot is located. You also need to obtain a GPZU from the local administration - an urban planning plan for the land plot.

Having familiarized yourself with the PZZ and GPZU, it will be possible to understand whether it is possible to build a second house, and if so, where exactly and with what parameters it can be built. It will also become clear what can be done if it is impossible to build a second house. For example, you may need to reduce the size of your existing home.

Experts also recommend that you first use the services of a cadastral engineer from a design organization that has the appropriate license. This way you can receive a technical plan for the building - it is drawn up on the basis of a declaration for the property, and finally it will be sent to Rosreestr for registration. The declaration has a regulated content; a special form is used to fill it out. It must include a technical description of the object and information about:

• owner;
• cadastral quarter number;
• cadastral number of the plot;
• type of construction;
• the exact location of the object.

The package of documents also includes consent to the processing of the owner’s personal data, floor plans, an extract from the Unified State Register of Real Estate, and an outline. Then all this is submitted to the MFC or online on the State Services portal.

When they can refuse

It will be refused if the construction of a second house:

• entails exceeding the maximum % of land plot development (the most common situation);
• it is impossible without observing all the setbacks from existing buildings and from the boundaries of the land plot located next door;
• limited or prohibited by the SNT charter (if we are talking about a house on the territory of a gardening non-profit partnership);
• impossible on the site due to its inclusion in a water protection or sanitary protection zone, the presence of cultural heritage objects on it, and in a number of other cases.

The maximum number of storeys, height and building density of the site will also be checked.

What is duplex from a legal point of view?

In real estate advertisements you can often find offers for the sale of 2-family houses.

A potential buyer has an idea of ​​such an object in terms of its physical characteristics:

• it has 2 different entrances;
• the plot is divided into 2 equal parts by a fence;
• neighbors use common communications;
• parts occupied by different owners are separated by a wall.

In addition to design features, it is necessary to take into account the legal features of such objects.

There are 2 ways to design duplexes:

• As an individual home with shared ownership.
• In the form of an apartment building , where each of the 2 residential premises acts as a full-fledged object.

The actions of citizens intending to register land to accommodate a duplex will depend on the status of the facility under construction.